Tuesday, August 17, 2010

What did I do this summer?

What did I do this summer?  As a company executive, seemingly responsible person, quite capable of contributing to the greater good of the economy and the business world, what didn't I do is probably a more relevant question. 

What I didn't do was keep my then current job OR look for a paying job (unless you know someplace I can use my Kinz cash outside Webkinz word). I didn't solve any client issues, obtain any new clients, mentor any staff members, write anyone up, promote anyone, hire anyone, fire anyone, dash madly home from work to make a scheduled baseball practice, rush home to a sick child while struggling to ease the guilt of being torn between running a company and being with my children, argue over whose job is more important when it came to family responsibilities, write any management reports, take any continuing education courses, attend any huge company conferences, implement any new strategies or procedures, or worry about profit margins.  I didn't juggle schedules, eat lunch at fancy restaurants, attend never ending evening board meetings, entertain or be entertained by vendors, plan fundraising events, check my blackberry every 45 seconds, or do anything else that would be considered productive in the business world. 

What I did was quit my corporate America job, relax, sleep in, stay up late, forget my worries, gain perspective, ignore my cell phone, go days without checking voice mail, discard burdensome friends, avoid drama, enjoy my children, not enjoy my children, hang out at the pool, read Jane Eyre and Gone With the Wind, have parties with the neighbors, almost kind of sort of learn to keep score at a baseball game, practice eating sunflower seeds (an art not mastered), earn a great deal of Kinz cash on webkinz.com, and watch a whole lot of Dizzy Dean 8U baseball with some fantastic (old and new) friends. 

I learned to do "nothing" (lest I offend a SAHM, I am in no way suggesting it was not work) this summer.  Having been busy always doing something for a company for 25 years, I finally learned to do "my thing".  Even though temporary (the real world is beckoning by virtue of the daily decreasing balance in my bank account), I finally enjoyed the life of a stay at home mom.  I had days when I wanted to sell my children on eBay, when I felt more like a referee than a mom, when I thought I could never get the whole house clean at once, when I thought it could not possibly get any louder or hotter or crazier in my house. 

There were days I wondered how I ever thought I could stay home with these monsters and truthfully, whose were they anyway?  MINE would be so much better behaved and more grateful than these people calling me "mom".  I see-sawed between the days I questioned my ability as a parent, wondered how they turned out as well as they have with me gone so much, beat myself up over what I missed, considered drinking in the middle of the day, wished they would leave for weeks at a time.  And in the end, I I got to know me and to know each of my children so much better.  I learned who they are becoming and how to better parent them going forward.  I learned my limits.  I expanded my limits.  I learned their limits.  I fell even more in love with each of them.  I wondered what I DID to deserve them.  And I wondered what I did to deserve THEM

It was the GREATEST summer of my life.

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